Betty White (we love Betty!) once stopped by “The Late Show” with David Letterman to dole out a Top 10 list called “Betty White’s Living a Long and Happy Life.”

The then 89-year-old  (today 96 years old) looked adorable in zebra print, and got thunderous applause from the audience. 

Maybe hearing her tips will explain why, here they are in full:

“Top 10 Tips from Betty White’s Living a Long and Happy Life”

10. Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, nine if you’re ugly.

9. Exercise. Or don’t. What the hell do I care?

8. Never apologize — it shows weakness.

7. The best way to earn a quick buck is a slip and fall lawsuit.

6. Avoid Tweeting any photos of your private parts.

5. Schedule nightly appointment with Dr. Johnnie Walker.

4. Take some wheat grass, soy paste and carob, toss it in the garbage and cook yourself a big piece of pork.

3. Try not to die.

2. Never dwell on past mistakes.

1. Don’t waste your time watching this crap.