The Hunger Games: Part II The Flame Grilled Games where you have to do it all over again . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  TV Film REVIEW

So I forced myself to watch the Second Chapter of Beyond the Game of HungerDome II the Flame Grilled Love Goes to Building On Fire, To Kill a Mocking Jay or something.   It is truly dreadful,  SO so long or seems like it, like you could happily nod off for an hour (or two) and come back and still not have lost your place. Go out the room make a coffee (you'll need it!) or maybe even go shopping. I swear I could have gone for a walk around the block. Three hours? It seemed like it was going on for DAYS? 

Was it written by the guys who wrote 'LOST'? You know, as they went along? In a crack den? I know there were no polar bears but the island and then our heroes (I say heroes, who cares about these nurks?) being dropped in to the Crystal Meth Maze seemed AWFULLY familiar. Philp K Dick it isn't, why it is barely Arthur C Clarke! 

Careful with that salute Don

So didn’t want to dis Suzanne Collins as haven’t read any of her TV ‘tweener books and am unlikely to but really this is based upon a BOOK? More like a 50's B movie The Return to Blood Fog Monkey Clock Island! I prefer my 'tweener writing at the level of The Inbetweeners themselves however crass and at least they are FUNNY! Have you SEEN Inbetweeners Two the Movie I laughed so hard at the 'poo' scene I swear I needed to reach from my TenaGent pants! The acting here is pretty dreadful though I lay the blame fair and square at the writing. Why IS my HERO Donald Sutherland in it (smacks of that dreadful TV shite he was in playing the head of 'Dirty Sexey Money' type business as 'Trippie Darling') This. Is. Delivery. Of. The. Shatner. School. Of. Acting. So. Everything. He. Says. Must. Be. Important.

 And as for Jennifer 'Cabbage Patch Doll' Lawrence with those puffy little gerbil hamster cheeks (admit it you DO want to pinch them don't you? oh you want to slap them!?) and slitty little puffy eyes sheesh as about as expressive as I don't know what! 

But that's the thing all of them are about as WOODEN as it is possible to be. The male actors especially Josh Hutcherson as Peter, sorry Peeta! the 'hero' some little plasticine midget and the swishie hunky ones Gail and Finnicky who are so pretty they don't actually HAVE to act but Sutherland is phoning in this performance and quite why Philip Seymour Hoffman is in it is a mystery he must have run out of gear! 

As for my hero, Toby Jones wasted here, and camped up like Tucci and Amanda Plummer are completely underused which makes me feel it WAS written in Hawaii by the 'Lost' writers. Mind you this would have turned stronger men than Hoffman to smack and Woody Harrelson as 'Hay Rick' as in Hey, Rick! isn’t much of an acting leap but curtains? For a hair style? Give the guy a break! 

This is truly a heroin inspired story and acting lesson school to boot with most performances mailed in by assistants via pigeon let alone email. At least Phil K Dick took SPEED not Xanax or Largactil. The screen writers MAY have smoked crack to get to grips with the story line but heck this is HARD work, after all Suzanne Collins had already written the fracking book how hard can it be, what with the Lightning Tree, the half assed CGI mandrill monkeys, the swishy wishiewashie water effects themes for the clock divisions, like Disneyland  . .  ooh, wait wait! I know one of the Zones in the Crystal Meth could be full of monkeys, one if them could be full of blood or birds that make you see things or one slice of the clock cake could be science-fi writers imagining polar bears in Hawaii!!  The Big Brother TV screen in the sky is a real novelty (sic) and the high speed trains an all are fun for the little boys but the teams are about as charismatic as the 'real' life sets covered in mud. Feminism this ain't . . . . . . check out all the roles for women and girls beyond Lawrence as Diana of Acteon and the miniskirts and female side kicks prevail.

Only made bearable by Stanley Tucci in camp drag worthy of The Fifth Element (nearly) and  somebody called Effing Trinket. All of which made me think I was watching the first one AGAIN! Why I'd give THAT crowd a real three fingered salute! 

In the end I genuinely didn't really care who got shot even Lawrence! The fog beasts are coming! Don't worry the burns will wash off in the magic water.  Remember it isn't REAL? As for the ending with it's major REVEAL. It IS all part of a plan! after all . . . . Kat you are really in charge of the Rebel Alliance! To be continued.  . . . Don't worry Catpiss Evergreen, I'm sure we will catch up with you next time. 

Sesame Street - The Hungry Games

I may I just have fallen asleep although I seem to recall that I DID watch the credits roll some time in the far off distant future so who knows maybe it's just setting me up for Volume Three Revenge of the Mocking Bird by then I swear it was getting light outside and I had dislocated my jaw (twice) yawning. Phew! 

The Unofficial Hunger Games Cookbook (yes really) has a recipe for Rock Tripe that about sums that up . . . . .